Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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