are you so shy because you have an std?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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