I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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