I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
