There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
