I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
