There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
