You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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