he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
