I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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