i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
