I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
