i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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