Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
