I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
