so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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