we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
