His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
