Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
