i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
