so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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