I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
