Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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