saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
