Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't turn off my feet"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
