If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
