i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
