I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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