I think im going to throw up on grandma
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
