Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
