How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
