literally had 100 drinks last night.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
