sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
