just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
