but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
