my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
