I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have already put on my inside pants.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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