I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
