yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
