I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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