It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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