Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
