If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
