I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
