woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
