I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
