I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
