we're chasing vodka with high fives
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
