She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
