I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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