We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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