Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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