shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
