I wannas sexs uuuuu
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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