Non-Jews are for practice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
