Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
